It's Tough Being A Teenage Ninja
by SilverWingedRaven
Summary: Witness the drama! "NOOO! MY HAAAIIIR!" The romance! "Ino, will you marry me?" The heartbreak! "There's no way in Hell would I ever marry you, you Nazi!" The youth! *Cue Lee and Guy, Caramelldansen* The PMS! "GIMME DAT RAMEN! I'LL KILL YOOOUUU!" And the tragedy! "Mr. BunBuns... WHY?" All of that and more in the new crack-fic, "It's Tough Being A Teenage Ninja." R&R. (hiatus...)
1. Choji The Nazi

**A/N: I'm bored and I don't wanna go to school tomorrow… But that has nothing to do with this. I don't even really know what I'm typing right now so PREPARE FOR SUPER CRACK!**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! YAY CAPS LOCK!**

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It was a warm summer night and Ino and Choji were walking calmly out of a restaurant together. It was Friday, a.k.a, the night Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji would all go out for dinner together. But Shika was having a bit of a break down tonight upon realizing his hair made his head look like a giant, pale pineapple.

So, tonight it was just Choji and Ino. The young Akimichi had savored every moment of being alone with his only female teammate. Some would say he had a lot of respect for her, seeing as she could relentlessly fangirl over Sasuke for the majority of her life. Of course, some people were stupid and didn't know what the Hell they were talking about. Choji was in crazy stupid teenage love with Ino. It's not that he liked her loud, controlling, overbearing personality. Oh no. He loved the fact that she had blonde hair and blue eyes.

You may be thinking 'well that's not so great. Who cares what her hair and eye color are?' Well two people think it's great and those same two people care a lot. They are Choji and Hitler. And Choji just so happened to worship Hitler. What can I say: He's a teenager. He's just going through a faze.

In fact, this Nazi-Worshipping faze had only started that morning, for no reason whatsoever. At which point Choji ran out to buy an engagement ring for a certain little blonde and informed Shikamaru of his seriously weird hairstyle. He also kicked a few puppies and stole candy from a couple kids on the way. Because that's the kind of thing that crazy Nazi-in-training McDonalds-lovin' marshmallow boys do.

Now, they were walking back to Ino's house in silence, and Choji had decided it was time to make his move.

"Ino," He said stopping. She turned to face him and he continued. "I've been wanting to tell you something important for a while now; Ever since this morning in fact! I need to tell you that…" He took a deep breath and Ino looked at him expectantly. "I hate you. You are a loud, obnoxious, creepy stalker of a fangirl. You smell like dog buns and you cannot pull off the emo hair. However, since you have blonde hair and blue eyes, and I am looking to revive the Nazis, I want to know," He got down on one knee and pulled a cheap plastic ring out of a King Soopers bag. "If you would marry me?"

One incredibly graphic and painful scene involving a blonde beating the hotdogs out of an oversized marshmallow later, Choji was tending to his black eye and broken bones on his way to Naruto's house. What? The ring had cost him 50 cents! He wasn't about to let that go to waste!

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A day after the wedding -which was held the night Choji proposed- our favorite little marshmallow filed for a divorce. Choji wanted children, dammit, and if Naruto wasn't willing to even try, he was going to have to take some drastic measures.

And by drastic measures, I mean getting Temari to start wearing blue contacts.

Yeah, I just went there.

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**A/N: Okie dokie, there you go! Please review! Next up: Shikamaru!**


	2. Shikamarus Bad Hair Day

**A/N: As promised, here is Shikamaru's very own chapter! Now, let's see what is troubling our pineapple-headed teen…**

**OH! And I forgot to mention last chapter: THIS STORY MAY CONTAIN SERIOUS OOC AND SOME CHARACTER BASHINGS! Just a word of warning for ya.**

Shikamaru finally pulled away from the bathroom mirror. He had been staring at it nonstop since Choji so gracefully informed him that his hair made him look like "an albino pineapple that ate SpongeBob SquarePants and grew a face due to devouring a cartoon character." It's not like this made Shikamaru self-conscious or anything… Oh wait, that's exactly what it did. Shikamaru was more self-conscious than Ino in a room full of Sasukes. A room full of Sasukes... What a disturbing thought.

Back to the problem at hand. Shikamaru had been overworking his genius brain for hours trying to think of a new hairstyle that wouldn't make his face relatable to a sponge. After that failed, he began flipping through a bunch of _Seventeen_ magazines he kept hidden under his mattress for, uh, personal reasons.

Having finally exhausted his stash of magazines, he still had no idea what to do with his hair. He did, however, know how to get a 'butt that pops' and lose five pounds in a month.

Shikamaru began pacing around the room. "Oh, what am I gonna do?" He asked himself. "If Seventeen doesn't have the answer, it must not exist! I'm DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!" He screamed at his ceiling in a manner that would get most people sent to a mental hospital.

At this point, Haku (who for some reason is still alive) came rushing into Shikamaru's room. "Shika! What's wrong?"

Shikamaru turned towards Haku. "How the Hell did you get in my house?" He asked.

"Oh I've been here for a while; I was living in your pantry! By the way, you buy CoCo Puffs? Really?"

Shikamaru pointed at Haku accusingly. "So it was YOU who was eating my cereal! You owe me a million dollars!"

Haku held up his hands in defense. "Hey, no need to get pricey! Besides, I think I can help you with your dilemma, if you promise to reduce my cereal debt to zero."

"Psh, how would YOU help me with my unfixable hair style?" Shikamaru scoffed.

Haku laughed while flipping his hair. "In case you haven't heard, I won the ninja world's best hair competition. I even beat Orochimaru, and he carries a bottle of conditioner everywhere."

Shikamaru dropped to his knees at Haku's feet. "Teach me, oh wise one!"

"Very well, young grasshopper…"

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Haku and Shikamaru trained underneath a waterfall, testing their hairspray's strength by waiting for it to friz up. Next, Shikamaru was timed on how fast he could brush his hair, and every time it took more than a minute, he had to braid Haku's. By the end of the day, Shikamaru was exhausted and Haku had beautifully braided hair.

"Now that our training montage is complete," Haku began. "We must test you to see if you are worthy to wield the legendary hair tie.

Shikamaru began combing like mad. He combed, brushed, styled, curled, and gelled his hair for days without stopping even once for a bathroom break.

When Shikamaru had finished, Haku let out a gasp. "Your hair… It's beautiful…" Haku and Orochimaru (who had apparently come to the Nara household around the time Shika was styling his hair) both dropped to their knees at his feet, uttering words of praise.

Because Shikamaru really knew how to rock that Pineapple Hair.

**A/N: He does make pineapple heads look good.**

**Seriously, I know you're out there. If you don't review, you will have to wear your hair like Shikamaru. He will force it upon you… o.O And not just anyone can pull off pineapple hair.**


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